Week #49, Bad Day

Things are going well here! After I had been transferred to my second area, I feel like I had been in a rut...not knowing how to get out of it. But the last two weeks I have been able to work through it and see
that I am becoming a better missionary! It is wonderful to see the progress!

On Monday morning, I had something extremely unusual happen to me. A deep sadness hit me and stayed with me until yesterday afternoon. I has just gotten up and ready to work out at 6:24 am as I always do. When my companions alarm went off at 6:30, I hoped that today would be the day she would actually get up on time and work out. My hope was in vain. She laid in bed and watched me work out. When she finally decided to get up and "work out" herself, it was her normal routine of laying flat on the ground with a blanket around her, as she practiced her relaxation work out. Ugh! I was frustrated! After trying to be an example to her for two months, she still refused to willingly get up and do the things she committed to the prophet to do when she sent her acceptance letter. An overwhelming sadness engulfed my spirit as I realized I could not do anything to change her or her actions. I had tried loving her, encouraging her, and letting her know how much I appreciate it when she does what is expected of us as missionaries.

I was quiet the entire day. I even cried as we sang "Come come ye Saints" at our zone meeting. The words were targeting my soul! I could not shake the sadness. It was not like me at all. I would perk up a little bit when we visited someone, but even up till yesterday, I did not feel like talking or singing (which is something I am always doing). My companion noticed my attitude and was sweet to make me breakfast. She did get up and slightly worked out too...but for some reason none of that mattered to me. I can honestly say I have never been depressed before, but this experience came as close as I have ever been.

I was close to tears much of the morning yesterday as I listened to music(Daniel Beck) to console me during lunchtime. It was because of the members we visited yesterday(Hengst, Pauline, and West's) that I was able to surface out of it all. They lifted my spirits and my sadness spell was dismissed. Of course, I am still disappointed in the choices of my companion. I do not think that will change. I am grateful The Lord gave me that experience though. No, it was not fun, but it taught me a few things. One- I have no control over others, but only myself. God is in control, and can change hearts (including my own). Two- as Elder Holland said "there are those angels who come and go all around us, seen and unseen, known and unknown, mortal and
immortal." My ward members were my angels yesterday! Sure, I went to them, but they were sent to me! What a blessing! Three- Sometimes it is ok to be the one who is in need of help. I do not always need to be
invincible.

The Lord walked my lonely path with me the past few days. He always walks with me, but perhaps this time he was carrying me like in the poem "Footprints in the sand." I love The Lord! He never leaves me. He comforts my pained soul when I feel there is no one I can turn to. When I have no one I can tell, he is the One! I am so grateful to my Savior for his tender love and guiding care. He is truly my rock! He supports me in my goal to be the best missionary I can be, to encourage me when I feel like I am doing this all without my
companions support. My testimony has been strengthened :)

To all of you who are struggling with your own trials, turn to The Lord! He WILL help you! Trust in him completely! He will always be there to be your companion! I know it and I promise it!

Love Always,
Sister Weyandt